Unusable but funny in abstract.
A Soviet newspaper reports: "Last night the Chernobyl Nuclear Powerstation fulfilled the Five Year Plan of heat energy generation in 4 microseconds."
In an ambulance: "Doc, where're we going?" / "To the morgue."/ "But I haven't died yet!"/ "Neither have we arrived."
In a lecture there are 3 students in the class. Suddenly, 5 students stand up and leave. The professor thinks to himself, "If another 2 people come in, then there will be nobody listening."
A Russian and an American are sentenced to Hell. The Devil summons them and says: "Guys, you have 2 options: an American or Russian hell. In American one you can do what you want, but you'll have to eat a bucket of shit every morning. The Russian one is the same, but it's 2 buckets." The Yankee quickly makes up his mind and goes to American Hell, while the Russian eventually choses the Russian one. In a week or so they meet. The Russian asks: "So, what's it like out there?"/ "Exactly what the devil said, the Hell itself is OK, but eating a bucket of shit is killing me. And you?" / "Ah, it feels like home - they're either short of shit or someone has stolen the buckets!"
A cowboy is riding across a prairie. His inner voice tells him, "Get off the horse and dig a hole!" The cowboy does this and finds a box of silver. "Dig deeper!" The cowboy digs and finds a box of gold. "Dig deeper," says the voice again. The cowboy keeps digging and finds a box of diamonds. "Now, I wonder how you'll get yourself out," says the inner voiсe.
A cowboy is riding alone across the Wild West. Suddenly he encounters a whole tribe of Indians. "God, I'm in trouble", thinks he, but then he hears his inner voice whispering: "Your situation isn't so bad... just shoot the one with the fancy feathers, the chief". So does the cowboy: he shoots at the chief, who falls from his horse. "Now you are indeed in trouble", says the inner voice.
A lecturer visits the mental hospital and gives a lecture about how great communism is. Everybody claps loudly except for one person who keeps quiet. The lecturer asks: "why aren't you clapping?" and the person replies "I'm not a psycho, I work here."
The Soviet Union has launched the first man into space. A Ukrainian shepherd, standing on top of a hill, shouts over to another Ukrainian on another hill to tell the news. "Mykola!" / "Yes!" / "Moskali have flown to the Moon!" / "All of them?" / "No, just one." / "So why are you bothering me?"
What do you call one Ukrainian? --A partisan. What do you call two Ukrainians? --A partisan cell. What do you call three Ukrainians? --A partisan cell with a traitor in their midst.
-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_jokes
In an ambulance: "Doc, where're we going?" / "To the morgue."/ "But I haven't died yet!"/ "Neither have we arrived."
In a lecture there are 3 students in the class. Suddenly, 5 students stand up and leave. The professor thinks to himself, "If another 2 people come in, then there will be nobody listening."
A Russian and an American are sentenced to Hell. The Devil summons them and says: "Guys, you have 2 options: an American or Russian hell. In American one you can do what you want, but you'll have to eat a bucket of shit every morning. The Russian one is the same, but it's 2 buckets." The Yankee quickly makes up his mind and goes to American Hell, while the Russian eventually choses the Russian one. In a week or so they meet. The Russian asks: "So, what's it like out there?"/ "Exactly what the devil said, the Hell itself is OK, but eating a bucket of shit is killing me. And you?" / "Ah, it feels like home - they're either short of shit or someone has stolen the buckets!"
A cowboy is riding across a prairie. His inner voice tells him, "Get off the horse and dig a hole!" The cowboy does this and finds a box of silver. "Dig deeper!" The cowboy digs and finds a box of gold. "Dig deeper," says the voice again. The cowboy keeps digging and finds a box of diamonds. "Now, I wonder how you'll get yourself out," says the inner voiсe.
A cowboy is riding alone across the Wild West. Suddenly he encounters a whole tribe of Indians. "God, I'm in trouble", thinks he, but then he hears his inner voice whispering: "Your situation isn't so bad... just shoot the one with the fancy feathers, the chief". So does the cowboy: he shoots at the chief, who falls from his horse. "Now you are indeed in trouble", says the inner voice.
A lecturer visits the mental hospital and gives a lecture about how great communism is. Everybody claps loudly except for one person who keeps quiet. The lecturer asks: "why aren't you clapping?" and the person replies "I'm not a psycho, I work here."
The Soviet Union has launched the first man into space. A Ukrainian shepherd, standing on top of a hill, shouts over to another Ukrainian on another hill to tell the news. "Mykola!" / "Yes!" / "Moskali have flown to the Moon!" / "All of them?" / "No, just one." / "So why are you bothering me?"
What do you call one Ukrainian? --A partisan. What do you call two Ukrainians? --A partisan cell. What do you call three Ukrainians? --A partisan cell with a traitor in their midst.
-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_jokes
posted by Tristan Tzara at 5:03 AM
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